He hates being a dad to his autistic preschooler as
every day is difficult.
This man has a four year old son who was
diagnosed with autism and he hates being a dad.
Well, he hates to use such a strong word to
describe his unhappiness,
but it's the only way he can really sum up
how he feels.
His son has Level 2 autism and he and his
wife were not surprised when he got diagnosed as a
newborn.
Their son was silent and never attempted to speak.
He also didn't play with toys in a way that
seemed normal and would not look anyone in the eyes.
He was a very sweet baby though,
and I would love for him to go back to
that stage,
he explained, laughing over silly faces Sesame Street,
the dogs getting in his face and sniffing him.
My wife and I used to go out to stores
with him and car rides just to get out since
he was a newborn during lockdown.
I was very happy as a father.
Regardless of us being stuck at home all day every
day,
now to the present day,
we are stuck at home all day,
every day because of him.
I cannot go to the store a certain way because
it looks like we're going to Grandpa's house and if
I don't take a certain turn,
that means a complete meltdown.
Because I didn't turn onto Grandpa's street,
his son's meltdowns can last anywhere from half an hour
to an hour.
His son will kick the back of his seat and
the car door while screaming as loud as possible.
It gives him dread having to drive anywhere with his
son since this happens every single time they get in
the car.
When they are at home,
things aren't exactly better. His son acts terribly for the
majority of the day,
kicking the doors and walls of their home,
hitting their dogs as well as him and his wife
scratching,
spitting and yelling.
His son behaves in this way non-stop,
no matter if he's happy or upset.
He says this could make anyone go crazy and it's
taking a toll on him.
I understand as parents we must be understanding of him
having autism and unable to regulate his emotions how we
do,
he said. Do you understand how difficult it is to
repeat the same things over and over for three years
straight?
Don't kick the wall. Please don't hit the dogs.
You don't need to scream.
Don't hit me. Do not hit yourself.
I'm so sick and tired of having to say those
phrases every single day.
His wife is a stay at home mom and he
works mostly from home,
so he can't jump in to assist his wife whenever
his son is being difficult.
Daycare costs so much money,
and they don't have a good chance of finding one
that can accommodate their son,
which is why his wife stays home
while he's trying to work.
He just hears his wife repeating phrases at his son
on end,
trying to get him to calm down.
If he does have a free minute,
he does help his wife in order to give her
a little break.
But then when he returns to his office,
his son kicks his office door with all of his
strength while screaming.
It makes your heart skip a beat over how loud
it is,
like a gunshot just went off in our house,
he added. It makes my blood boil,
but I bite my tongue.
The number of times I have to drown out screaming,
kicking, crying, whatever, because I'm in meetings is exhausting.
It never ends with our son.
I want to take my wife and me alone somewhere
for one day.
Without him there, it's impossible since nobody will take our
son for a night in our family because of how
difficult he can be.
Once in a blue moon,
their parents will offer to watch his son for an
evening when they can get away from their son,
they spend their alone time sleeping since they rarely get
to at home.
Their son wakes up every morning at 6:00 AM kicking
his bedroom wall,
so they don't really get much shut eye on a
normal basis.
The only reprieve they truly get is when their son
goes to a special needs program,
which is 3 hours long and happens twice a week,
but six hours apart from their son doesn't provide them
with enough of a break to recharge.
His son has progressed so he can form sentences,
use words properly, and read,
but those milestones seem hopeless when he watches other parents
with children the same age as his son without autism.
He sees their children being calm and perfect out in
public,
and his son never is.
He's afraid he and his wife will never get to
experience something like this.
Rarely, his son will be angelic,
asking in a polite way for things and telling him
and his wife that he loves them.
It makes me stop and think we may be doing
all right and that it's fine.
He has autism because he doesn't know the difference and
is happy,
he continued To an outsider who doesn't know us,
we are a normal family.
Those are moments that I cherish very dearly in my
heart,
and those are the moments I always wanted when he
was a baby.
I'm just tired of being a dad.
I'm tired of the same battle every day.
I'm tired of my nerves being shot.
I'm tired of the bruises on my arms and legs.
I'm tired of feeling hate towards him.
I'm tired of keeping it together.
I'm tired of saying I'm tired.
What advice do you have for him?
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