WEBVTT

NOTE language en-US

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Nobody knew what was happening to me and I didn't

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know.

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I didn't know what to do.

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My step dad, Joe, had me live in the backyard

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for a couple weeks and it was the first time

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where I really was hammered by the by the situation.

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I had all my belongings there because it was like

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you wanted me to leave.

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It made me take everything out of my room and

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all my toys.

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And, and I just remember it sitting there under a

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tarp under the freaking clothesline and just, you know, watching

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my Star Wars stuff get rained on, all my toys.

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I'm like, what am I doing?

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I'm living in the backyard.

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And that was, yeah, that's what happened.

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That's what you would do.

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And it was just frightening and cold and, and damp

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and, you know, dark.

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I always kind of lay in there, you know, and,

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and so I, I, I could smell the gasoline.

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It was right next to me from the mower.

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And I thought, wow, that's really funny.

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And so I just started, I, I just started sniffing

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it and it wasn't really like any conscious thing in

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the beginning, but it would just knock me out and

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it would just wipe me out and I would just

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have these crazy hallucinations and I would fall asleep.

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And I'd do that when I, when I lived in

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the tool shed because it was so hard.

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And then I would go to school in the daytime

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and I'd be all emotionally duck because nobody knew what

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was happening to me and I didn't know.

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I didn't know what to do one second.

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Once you had a for me, he had a punishment.

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Scariest one for me was, you know, getting locked in

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the closet.

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That's when my brain started turning to, to what was

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going on in my social environment.

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It's about 7, seven and a half, eight when you

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were in the closet and you would get out, I

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think it was your stepdad would watch boxing.

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Yeah.

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We didn't have ATV in our house, so TV was

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only in the parents room and it was only on

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a special night.

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And so the only TVI saw as a kid was

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boxing.

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I would massage his feet and I would watch boxing.

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It's the only experience I had outside of books and

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outside of school.

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So that was my, you know, that was the thing

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that was, you know, the champion had the belt and

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they gave the speech and everyone was like, there was

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that guy was the was the guy I wanted to

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be when I was in the closet, you know, as

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a kid.

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And I, it just became, you know, became my dream.

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That was my dream.

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That's what I dream about when I was in there

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and I was, you know, sad and I was just

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like crushed.

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And I was like, it's OK, because someday I'm going

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to be that guy.

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And it wasn't until I threw rocks at the train

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and got arrested and sent to juvenile hall and was

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sitting in juvenile hall and talking to all these bad

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kids that I heard all the rumors about.

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And and I'm telling them what's going on.

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And they were just like, what are you talking about?

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And like, that's insane.

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And I was just blown away.

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In fact, I started pulling back.

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I was like, well, I can't tell them all the

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stuff because they were just shocked.

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And I remember going back to my room and just

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sitting there going, wow, like, maybe it's not, you know

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me.

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And that's when like, I was like, I got to

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get out of here.

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I got to get out.

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And then when I went and saw my counsellor at

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juvenile hall and she was very poignant and said, listen,

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if you keep doing this, they'll take you from your

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home.

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I was like, that's how I get out.

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That's how I do it.

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And so I was like, wow, I got I figured

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it out.

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But it, it basically ended when I was when I

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was robbing that Taco Bell.

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I know that sometimes they leave the window door open

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for the serving window and I get there and it's

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totally open.

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So I literally just walk in the door to the

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safe is open.

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The door to the office is open.

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I'm like, wow, this is amazing.

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There's a huge bag of cash.

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I just stuff it under my thing.

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I'm only in there, maybe, you know, 7 or 8

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minutes.

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But as soon as I come out, you know, I

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can see cars come in and cops come in.

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I ran around the back and behind it there's a

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Creek.

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It was frozen because it's the middle of winter.

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And I jumped into that Creek to get away from

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the cops.

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And as soon as I hit, I could feel the

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money come out.

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And then I could also feel that I was stuck

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under ice because when I came back up, the ice

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was there because I went in at an angle.

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And so I had to kind of crawl in and

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push through the ice.

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And then I just started running and I, I ran

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and ran and ran.

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I still remember just the sound of my breath because

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everything else had gotten super quiet.

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I could just hear myself breathing.

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It was really like laboured breathing.

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My mind was really just about I needed to get

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somewhere.

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I was so cold and it was so painful.

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The cold was so painful.

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And then all of a sudden it just got the

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warmest warm you've ever felt.

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And I was suddenly at peace.

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And I was like, wow, this feels amazing.

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I felt euphoric and wonderful.

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And I laid down on the tracks and I was

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like, oh, I'm just going to take this tiny little

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nap and I'll pop right back up, keep running.

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And I laid down and things started to kind of

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warm up and then all of a sudden I ended

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up, oh shit, I have hypothermia because I'm a nerd

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and I read everything and I read this is what

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happens when I have hypothermia.

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And I laid there and I was like, I'm going

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to die.

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And then I got up and I was like, oh,

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hey, I'm not going to die.

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So I know where that moment is As I popped

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up and I just kept it running and ready.

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And I finally got to to my friend's house and

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then we got busted.

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And then I was sent to this crisis center.

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That's when I met Bob Shamrock.

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And it was the same thing.

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I was sitting in juvenile hall and another guy came

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to interview me and, and this guy was just totally

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different.

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You know, he was just no nonsense.

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I mean, he looked crazy at gold everywhere and he

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looked like a, like a rock star or something.

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And he just sat down and went to give him

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my spiel and he just goes, Nope, Nope.

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Because I'm, I'm, we don't do both.

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And it was the first time I'd met a father

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figure who stood up and was like, wait a minute,

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this is how young men act.

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And it was the first time I got a lesson

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in what a father does because I never had a

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father.

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So I never understood the value of that leadership, the

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value of the lead warrior.

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I never knew.

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And he told me, listen, what you're doing is wrong.

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The way you're acting is wrong.

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And he sat down a baseline of rules of how

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normal people should act.

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And then he's like, if you come here, that's what

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will happen.

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From the moment he picked me up, you know, I

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was just like his son.

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And and there was 20 boys, but he ran a

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big family in the Shamrock Boys Ranch.

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I loved him.

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I instantly fell in love with him.

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And he was my one person in this world that

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cared about me and my success.

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And he's a man I have no relation to who

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just showed up one day because I needed him.

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He said you could be a fighter, you could be

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a warrior.

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You know, there's a new sport coming on.

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Your brother's doing it.

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You know, there's all this opportunity right now and that

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dream I had when I was a little boy of

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being a champion, of being recognized that that thing that

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I always wanted fell right into my lap.

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The fact that he cared about me and the fact

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that there was a place for me allowed me to

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show up.

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I was in college and my dad called me.

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You know, he said you got to meet this kid.

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You know, he's a good kid.

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He's got got some problems.

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But man, I think if you can hook up with

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him and maybe, you know, mentor him a little bit,

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you guys are kind of the same.

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This is my brother's new fighting school, and my dad

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is basically positioning it like it's a martial arts learning

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Academy.

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So he's kind of pepping me up.

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The day before, when he dropped me off, he told

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me two things.

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He said don't ever give up and don't show them

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you're afraid.

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Usually I did the initiations and I beat the crap

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out of people.

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I didn't beat the snot out of them and I

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was going to have the other guys do it because

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I just didn't know if I could do it because

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I knew how much my father cared for him, but

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I knew that I had to be the one because

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he had to respect me.

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And so I did it.

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The first minute I thought, oh, I'm actually, I'm actually

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kind of competitive.

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And then he just just blasted me.

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And then I was like holy because no one had

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ever knocked me down and fight me ever.

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And then he just jumped on me and just started

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twisting me and bending my arm and tore my knees

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out.

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You know, he's put me in all these holes and

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just tearing him because he's expecting me to give up.

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But I don't know you can give up because no

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one's explained that to me.

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That's maybe 7 or 8 minutes in and it was

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20 minutes.

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I mean, it's horrible.

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I thought I was going to die, honestly thought that

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I was going to die in that triangle.

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They helped carry me in the car.

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And then I, I lived in top of Ken's two-story

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house.

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So they carried me upstairs.

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But then I couldn't get down the next day because

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I was so sore.

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My knees were torn out.

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So I spent a week upstairs and then I scooted

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down.

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And then after about a week and a half, I

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was, you know, hobbling pretty good.

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Two weeks I was back in the gym.

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Dad sat me down.

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He had his big pep talk with me.

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And he says, listen, son, you built up this great

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body and you built up your mind and you built

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up your spirit.

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It's like you're ready to go try something.

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You're ready to apply yourself.

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I got the invitation to go to Japan and to

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finish my training in Japan and then to enter the

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King of Pancrase tournament.

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I ended up fighting Boss Rutin.

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That's my very first match.

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I didn't know who it was, to be honest with

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you, but every time I told somebody who I was

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fighting, they would all look down.

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It was like, ah, come back, come back down, and

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I'd be like, oh, Boss Rutin, they'd look down.

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Why are they looking down?

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You know, Boss Rutin, he's such a savage.

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He once knocked out a Rottweiler.

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Yes.

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He's almost apologizing to the guy for hitting Boss Ruth,

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his game plan and this fight.

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People who've never seen Boss Ruth fight, just watch this.

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I'm sorry.

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Bang, bang, bang.

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No, I'm not.

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I was just definitely afraid.

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The fight was 10 minutes.

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It went by for me in what seemed like a

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minute.

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I just remember tiny segments, you know, one where he

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has my head and he's choking me.

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I just remember his words.

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That voice started saying you can't do this.

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You're going to lose.

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Everything you work for is going to be gone in

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just a few minutes.

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And so I started thinking to myself and really started

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to hyperventilate and really started to get freaked out because

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this was my entire dream in my life.

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Everything in my life revolved around this moment and it

00:11:10.720 --> 00:11:11.680
was about to lose it.

00:11:12.880 --> 00:11:14.200
I was crushed inside.

00:11:14.200 --> 00:11:17.560
My spirit was down here and his was just way

00:11:17.560 --> 00:11:17.880
up here.

00:11:17.880 --> 00:11:19.240
His energy was this big.

00:11:20.160 --> 00:11:21.920
And I thought, Oh my goodness, this is it.

00:11:22.920 --> 00:11:26.040
I'm going to lose laying in that closet.

00:11:26.040 --> 00:11:27.160
I was like, that's what I'm going to become.

00:11:27.160 --> 00:11:29.280
I'm going to become a champion and I'm going to

00:11:29.280 --> 00:11:32.560
use that voice and that power to do stuff, you

00:11:32.560 --> 00:11:34.760
know, and help people like myself because this is terrible.

00:11:35.080 --> 00:11:36.840
And so I always envisioned that I was going to

00:11:36.840 --> 00:11:37.640
become that person.

00:11:38.320 --> 00:11:39.320
So there's only one answer.

00:11:44.040 --> 00:11:44.640
Move forward.

00:11:44.960 --> 00:11:46.440
That's what you do when you're a warrior.

00:11:46.760 --> 00:11:49.520
I remember Cross facing him really hard.

00:11:50.000 --> 00:11:52.440
And then I remember us both having heel hooks on

00:11:52.480 --> 00:11:55.720
each other, thinking I'm going to break his leg and

00:11:55.720 --> 00:11:56.680
he's going to break mine.

00:11:57.680 --> 00:12:01.800
And then I remember the building looked over my corner

00:12:02.040 --> 00:12:03.200
and Ken was like, yes.

00:12:06.280 --> 00:12:08.200
And they announced that I'd won and I was just

00:12:08.600 --> 00:12:09.040
lonely.

00:12:09.680 --> 00:12:12.200
The whole thing was just so overwhelming.

00:12:12.200 --> 00:12:14.000
And so, you know, so much.

00:12:14.680 --> 00:12:17.080
I definitely walked out of that ring a different person.

00:12:17.480 --> 00:12:21.000
If you're not creating a mental picture of the life

00:12:21.000 --> 00:12:23.640
and future you want, then you're wasting the great power

00:12:24.280 --> 00:12:25.000
on a daily.

00:12:25.760 --> 00:12:27.480
For me, it's every single night when I go to

00:12:27.480 --> 00:12:27.800
bed.

00:12:28.120 --> 00:12:28.880
What's my future?

00:12:29.400 --> 00:12:32.200
I'm praying, I'm meditating, I'm visualizing my future.

00:12:32.280 --> 00:12:34.240
And to me, it's about living like a warrior.

00:12:34.640 --> 00:12:36.800
Want to provide for my family, for my community.

00:12:36.920 --> 00:12:39.120
I want to be a person of strength when they

00:12:39.120 --> 00:12:39.680
come to me.

00:12:40.240 --> 00:12:43.640
I can live that if I'm living this warrior's code.

00:12:44.120 --> 00:12:47.840
And that is living with honor, living with discipline, living

00:12:47.840 --> 00:12:48.600
with respect.

00:12:49.160 --> 00:12:51.880
I think we're all warriors, and you need the proper

00:12:51.880 --> 00:12:52.240
tools.

00:12:52.240 --> 00:12:54.080
You can train your mind, your body and your spirit

00:12:54.360 --> 00:12:56.200
and be ready for those moments.

00:12:56.320 --> 00:12:59.680
Be ready for those moments when your commitment will be

00:12:59.680 --> 00:13:02.480
ultimately tested and a warrior never gives up.

00:13:04.080 --> 00:13:07.480
And a warrior always finds a way to win.