Oh yeah,
yes, OK, stop undressing me with your eyes.
Happy Wednesday everyone. Well, the Republican National Committee's headquarters was
evacuated after receiving a package addressed to Donald Trump containing
2 vials of blood.
They've already eliminated suspects who no longer have any.
The Commerce Department has announced that it wants to add
a million women to the construction industry.
That or just eight guys.
Yeah, it's funny.
A brewery in the UK is being forced to shut
down its website after selling a beer in honor of
Osama bin Laden.
They should have sold vodka instead.
That way everyone could honor the terrorists with a shot
to the face.
Nice.
So they laughed at the setup but not the punchline.
A Nigerian woman created the world's widest wig at almost
12 feet in width.
But is it for sale?
Asked one man,
Illinois politicians aim to change the word offender to justice
impacted individual.
In a related story, Illinois taxpayers want to change the
word politician to Marxist impacted
stain.
Sports writer for the Kansas City Star has called for
the Kansas City Chiefs to replace Harrison Butker with a
female place kicker.
And so far, we have one volunteer.
Wow, tough crowd. On this day in 19 O 8,
the Wright brothers patented the airplane.
Three years later, they also patented the bitchy male flight
attendant.
Competitive competitive eater Takiro Kobayashi has announced he's retiring.
Also retiring his plumber
this week. In 1891, the first motion picture was shown
to
147 people in Thomas Edison's lab.
And I'm not saying day.
Moments later, the men stuck around to see the first
porno.
Wow.
A man was arrested for assaulting a Canadian cop with
a block of cheese.
Lucky for him, it wasn't sharp.
Fact that you laugh at that
but not at the other pieces of brilliance makes me
sick to my stomach.
A climb. A climber was found dead after falling off
the highest peak in North America.
Park authorities located the deceased climber at the base of
Jlo's ass.
Oh,
and according to a new study,
New Jersey is the state with the dirtiest restaurants.
It's not just the dirt,
it's the small portions, said one.
Man, you
guys,
I tried. I try to keep off the fat jokes,
but you guys just eat them up.
All right, so the Democratic candidate for the most powerful
position on earth gave a speech last night to the
N double ACP where he couldn't say the name of
the organization. In fairness to him,
it is a whole 5 letters.
But there he committed no less than 9 errors that
were later corrected by White House staffers.
9 errors in a single speech.
Hellfeterman didn't make that many in a year after his
brain blew up like an Iranian helicopter.
What are you guys pro Iran here
Too soon.
You guys are mourning the butcher of Baghdad.
Me. So how do we know about these errors?
They were corrected in Plainview,
or else we likely we wouldn't have noticed.
Which made me think, when someone offers you something that
you didn't ask for,
like leaking both these errors in the corrections,
you got to ask yourself what's really going on?
Could it be that we're seeing a shift,
a realization perhaps that something's up
and it might be Joe's number
because something here smells fishier than Joy
Behar's nylons after a 2 mile walk in August?
Let's examine the evidence, America.
You laughed at it. Now,
in case you missed it,
his speech if you didn't,
if you missed his speech,
and don't worry if you did,
because so did Joe. Here's a few of the flubs
the White House corrected.
And when I was vice president,
things were kind of bad during the pandemic.
I'm humbled to receive this organization.
It truly inspires me.
Saving millions of families, $800,000 in premium,
$8000 a year in premium.
We're cracking down on corporate landlords.
We keep rents down the mortality rate
for black moms who have nearly three times more likely
to die.
Donald Trump has said if he loses again in November,
there will be, quote, bloodshed.
The N double AC spirit endures.
What the hell? So among Biden's gaffes was the claim
that the N double
AC spirit endures, not the N double ACP.
Maybe he's afraid if he says P,
he'll actually do it.
The NAAC is actually the National Academy of Ambulance Compliance,
a number that I'm sure Jill has on her speed
dial.
But I also claimed to have been VP during the
pandemic.
Joe, you missed it by about four years.
And how could you do that and still pretend you
were a professor and a truck driver?
Has he bragged about winning an Oscar for Barbie yet?
And he said he saved families
$800,000 a year each in insurance premiums.
If you do the math,
he was off only by about
$800,000. And then there was this one where he called
the January 6th rioters erectionists.
The
erectionists who stormed Capitol Hill patriots.
Erectionists. Maybe he was thinking of his son.
Remember, fellas, if you're an erectionist for more than four
hours,
contact your doctor.
Wasn't just there that Joe was a mess.
Here he is on Tuesday during a different speech.
Let me close with this
after I signed the Pack
Pack Act Act into law.
You know, maybe you shouldn't close with that.
You know, if you're going to sum something up,
make sure it's words. Then it gets really weird.
I say to every young man thinking of getting married,
marrying the family of five or more daughters.
I did. My wife's the oldest of five sisters.
You know why
one of them will always love you?
Not the same one.
Marry into a family with five daughters.
What could be the reason?
So you have a 20%
chance during the week someone will bang You
clearly gave the same advice to Hunter.
Who else looks at his brother's widow and says
I'm going to hit that?
You can't even find stories like that in old Penthouse
Forum.
Believe me, I looked.
And
what was Hunter's pick up line?
You know, all this talk about the hereafter makes me
wonder,
are you hereafter?
But it's not like Joe suddenly got worse.
He's been this way a while.
There's an old but awesome clip making the rounds again
with CB s s Margaret Brennan asking whether a video
of Biden is real or AI.
Watch. Yeah. So here's President Biden.
All right, That's what I'm going to ask you about.
You can't be pro insurrection and pro cop.
You can't be pro insurrection and pro democracy.
You can't be pro insurrection and pro American.
Donald Trump, like the courage to act,
the brave women and men in blue all across this
nation should never forget that.
So what did you think of this one?
He didn't blink. Not at all.
Right. So that suggests it's fake.
This one's actually real.
Yes, it's actually real.
It's as if they've never seen a creature having a
staring contest with death.
That's going to give me nightmares.
I hope my screams won't wake Gudlow.
So what's really going on,
aside from watching the leader of the free world turn
into a wax museum dummy?
This might be a clue.
In April, Donald Trump beat Biden for the first time
in fundraising.
And there are reasons for this,
among them, of course, the Alvin Bragg trial,
which the public knows is about as legit as a
Leah Thomas swim trophy.
But as the polls shifted,
Trump and Biden continues to ossify.
Don't you get this sneaking suspicion we're not the only
ones noticing?
The age issue is is suffocating him
and he needs to bring up that he's only four
years older than Trump and he's got to turn that
around and need to quit fight,
login and complaining about the times covering his age and
the Poland is so good that that's a waste of
time.
Don't do that. He gets like that until you feed
him mice.
I love that he says it's the age issue that's
suffocating him,
not his actual age. Dude,
life is suffocating him. He has a harder time breathing
than Alvin Bragg carrying a pizza up a flight of
stairs.
Damn. So maybe there's a reason Dem staffers are suddenly
pointing out that their candidate is done,
that it's time to gently shuffle him off the stage.
Because why else would Dem staffers issue 9 corrections that
nobody asked for?
Maybe because the N double ACP speech was followed the
next day by this?
My administration working around the clock to free the remaining
horses,
just as we have freed hostages already.
And here the Today is
Hirsch Goldberg, Poland. And still he,
he is not here with us,
but he's still being held by a mosque.
What now? The guy he was talking about,
Joe thought was in the crowd at the Rose Garden.
But he's a hostage in Gaza.
So what does it take to get the dams and
the media to do the right thing?
Let's ask Joe himself.
No, no, no. Come on,
man. I knew that guy wasn't there at the Olive
Garden.
I mean, I just wanted him there in spirit.
You know, sometimes if somebody can't be there,
you say they're there in spirit,
right? I talk to spirits all the time,
like the guys from the old days.
Cornbop. I mean, he might not be there,
but he's there in spirit,
right? Yeah. I mean, I,
I got visited last Christmas Eve by three spirits.
I woke up in the morning and there was a
kid.
I said go get yourself a Turkey,
keep the change. That's a true story.
That's no joke. I was in Arabia.
I got I found a lamp and I gave it
a rub and a spirit came out offered me 3
wishes.
I didn't even have to think about it.
I said daughters, daughters, daughters.
Just make sure one of them loves.
Let's welcome.
Yes,
he lives on a farm and does liberals harm.
Fox News contributor Charlie Hurd,
P1 straight P in the movie Dumb and Dumber.
And also last weekend in my place,
host of the Harland Hwy.
podcast on YouTube. Harland Williams
like an Iranian helicopter. She's down to earth.
New York Times best selling author,
Fox News contributor. Catch it
And his closet is full of Mothra balls.
New York Times best selling other comedians
Mothra balls. You don't deserve that audience,
Charlie. All right, does it appear that his side is
now acting unilaterally to kind of push him off the
stage?
I wouldn't have even known about that N double ACP
speech.
I'm not the audience. But you know,
well, whether they're trying to push him off or not,
they definitely now realize it is a code brown moment
for them that they have a real problem on their
hands.
And I but I love that the White House is
still trying to like correct the the the stuff that
he says in his speeches,
including the original version text of the of the transcript
said actually
spelled the word erectionist with an I and two Rs
that
all the other words that he's made do they actually
spell them out?
It makes no sense. But what I think is going
on here is that that they are that they wanted
us to notice that they went and made the non
corrections because they want this to be that he's just
a, you know, a font of malapropisms that he's he's
just a guy that says crazy stuff and that has
nothing to do with the problem.
The problem is he's fried.
Yeah, and he doesn't And and and the the thing
about the Hamas,
yeah, about the hostage is that's the problem we have
with them,
not the misspeaking. Yeah, In fact,
just the the sound, Harlan,
I like I was, we're we're laughing about the words,
but man, the syntax and the slurring.
I mean, he sounds like you
on a Friday night. No,
I mean, this guy is at this point creating his
own language,
it sounds like. I mean,
there's African Bushmen over there going
like, they don't even know what he's talking about.
And do you remember when they initially started selling this
as a stutter?
Yes. Can you imagine if he actually did have a
stutter and we had to hear this four times in
a row?
I mean, this guy better not win the erection or
I'm leaving.
But here's the thing, You know,
here's what scares me the most.
Like, he doesn't know where he is.
He wears these mirrored sunglasses.
So you got to know he's seeing his own reflection.
And he's probably like, hey,
who let Orville Redenbacher in here?
And it's you, Joe. It's you.
Unreal. It's crazy. Kat, Kat,
what do you make of
the fact that this stuff just kind of easily flowed
out there?
Yeah. I don't even understand how we're calling these corrections.
Right? Like, they crossed out pandemic and put recession,
which makes it accurate. But that doesn't mean that's what
he meant.
Like, who knows what he meant?
And what would it look like?
Should they? Are they going to just start doing this?
Like, they could have done that.
Like when he said his uncle was eaten by cannibals.
They could have just added my uncle,
add the word not
he was not or when he said he had cancer,
but the word no in front of cancer.
No, no, no. He actually meant to say I have
no cancer.
Who knows that that's what he meant.
Yeah, that's true. A correction does nothing to affect the
actual meat of this being Tyrus.
What do you think? Am I being too conspiracy oriented?
No, you're we're all making the same mistake.
We're all watching this car accident going and
the Democrats are like, well,
no, no, he's going to seat belt on.
He's fine.
He swallowed. Yeah, I know.
Yeah. The crash test dummies,
like, I'm not get in the car with this guy.
But.
But what we're missing is that they're fine with it.
They're so fine with it.
They're literally like, he meant to say this.
He meant to say this.
Perfect example. Bill Maher said when he was on the
View that he looked like a cadabra.
Right. It was pretty. That's pretty painful to hear.
Someone tells you you look like a cadabra.
That means you look dead.
Yeah. It's not a, not a.
Yeah, you. Yeah. I don't care who you are.
Even if you're dead, you pay someone to make you
look not so dead.
They come to visit you.
But she fired back. Well,
his brain's still good. So the Democrats don't care.
We care. We see the house on fire and we're
screaming buckets of water and they're sitting Indian style with
their with the marshmallows going.
I think it's fine.
So it's not going to change.
He's literally, he might go up to the debate and
literally just stare and drool,
which is why I think he wants the debates to
be so early,
because he wants him to be as far away from
the election as possible,
hoping that people forget how bad he is.
They'll be. They're letting him.
They're letting him talk freely now.
So when he says debate,
they'll be like, let's watch the tape,
Mr. President. There'll be no debate.
I think when they do the debate,
just to prop him up a little,
they should hang his degree from DeVry on the back
wall.
Yes. And have a list of all the people's lives
he saved as a lifeguard.
Yes. Remember that even when he wasn't a lifeguard,
apparently he saved eight people from drowning.
Just very casual. I, I mean,
I'm not a brag, but I brag about that every
time you'd meet me,
no matter what conversation we had,
it would end with, you know,
I saved eight people from drowning
so well, now they're drowning in lies.